


Voices in his head

by Theinsanelycoolmichaelmell



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Michael has two moms, Pinkberry, Self-Esteem Issues, Trans Male Character, Trans! Jeremy heere, almost, boyf riends - Freeform, flangst, post squip, richjake, squip squad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-05-28 04:49:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15041069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theinsanelycoolmichaelmell/pseuds/Theinsanelycoolmichaelmell
Summary: Jeremy is a trans boy who struggles with meeting what he thinks is the perfect male physique. He turns to restricting calories to try and meet at least any of these requirements.





	1. Chapter 1

Jeremy paced quietly throughout his bathroom. He stripped all of his clothes except his baggy t shirt and turned on the sink faucet. When the noise was loud enough he reached for the bathroom scale and hesitantly stepped forward. 

The scale had read 123. Jeremy immediately felt as though he wanted to die. The thoughts of worthlessness ran through his mind as he stepped off the scale. He retrieved his clothes and went back to his room. He looked in the mirror, pulled his shirt up to about his waist and began to pinch at his stomach lightly.

“So disgustingly fat” he told himself as he pinched harder. Jeremy wasn’t aware of how bad things had really become. The boy stood at around 5’9 but was too consumed by his illness to realize he was bordering on being underweight. 

“You’re a real fucking pig you know that? So desperate that you have to eat everything in sight.” He spat bitterly at his reflection. Jeremy was about to say something else when he heard a knock on his door.

“Hey kiddo time for school!” His dad said. Jeremy just sighed as he reached for one of his binders.

“Okay dad, I’m up.” He said as he began to struggle with the constrictive piece of clothing. He moved to put on his striped shirt and then his jeans. He noticed Michaels hoodie was still on his dresser so he decided to put that on too. He loved stealing his boyfriends sweaters, his scent was always prominent and Jeremy couldn’t get enough of it. Jeremy took notice of how baggy his clothes were. He was hopeful that maybe he was actually doing better but another look in the mirror proved him wrong. He grabbed his book bag and made his way down stairs.

“Hey Jere you hungry?” His dad asked as he was preparing breakfast.

Yes. How long had it been? Two days this time?

“No I’m okay dad thanks though” he replied before he could stop himself. He knew this was for the better though, he didn’t deserve to eat and if he did he would just get even fatter. He sat on the couch as he waited for Michael to come over. Sure enough a few minutes later the boy had knocked and Jeremy had locked the door behind him as they left.

“Hey Jere, nice sweater” Michael commented with a goofy smile.

“Its great isn’t it? My awesome boyfriend let me borrow it.”

“More like he let you steal it” Michael said with a mock pout. Jeremy just rolled his eyes as they walked.

“Yknow you love me so it’s fine” Jeremy said waiting for Michael to laugh right in his face. The laugh never came though.

“You’re right. I’m also lucky it looks so great on you” Michael said sweetly. Jeremy quickly became flustered but he tried to compose himself. 

You know he doesn’t mean it  
How could he? You’re a fat pig and you know it 

The voices were buzzing louder in his mind and there wasn’t much debate from him anymore. He knew they were right so he saw no reason to fight them any longer. He just smiled at Michael hoping he didn’t notice how fucked up he felt. Michael began to talk to him about something but Jeremy couldn’t hear him. When Michael asked a question and got no answer he looked at Jeremy expectantly.

“What do you think Jere?” 

“What?” Jeremy said dumbly. He felt bad that he wasn’t listening but couldn’t bring himself to focus on anything other than his own thoughts.

“Yknow about our date after school?” Michael said.

“Oh yeah sounds great!” Jeremy smiled. Michael just stopped walking and pulled the boy closer to him.

“You feeling okay?” Michael asked as he ran a hand through Jeremy’s hair. Jeremy averted his gaze from Michaels and fixed his eyes in the floor.

“I’m all good” Jeremy sad unconvincingly. Michael tilted his face so he could meet his eyes.

“Jere what’s wrong?” Michael asked. The look on his face made Jeremy sick to his stomach. He hated the fact that he was the reason Michael looked so hurt.

“It’s nothing babe I just didn’t sleep last night” Jeremy lied. Michael thought for a moment and then seemed to accept this answer. 

“Oh okay.. wanna go for coffee then?” Michael asked with a smile. Jeremy was quick to return it as his mind went directly to the amount of calories he was about to consume.

“Sure Mikey” Jeremy said as they walked to the coffee shop. Jeremy felt his head spin as he weighed his options. He opened one of the fridges in the shop that contained espressos and he pulled one out. He checked the back of the can and felt his stomach twists in knots when he read it. 300 calories. That was way too many for Jeremy. He knew if he didn’t buy something Michael would ask him about it so he reluctantly took it with him.

Michael had ordered his own coffee and apparently a couple of donuts as well. Jeremy added his can to counter and pulled out his wallet. He paid for the food and then they left making their way to the school.

“Feeling better Jere?” Michael asked as he took a bite from his donut. He passed the small bag to Jeremy and the taller boy just tried to focus on taking the smallest sips of his coffee as he could.

“Yeah I do” Jeremy said with a smile. He hated how fake he was acting around his boyfriend but he couldn’t help it. He reluctantly took the bag. He knew Michael expected him to eat it so he opened the bag. Upon seeing its contents he closed the bag and then took his phone out of his pocket. He acted as though he got a text but really he was googling the calories in the glazed donut. 255 he quickly rounded that to 300. Jeremy felt himself begin to panic. 

“Jeremy? are you okay?” Michael said as he stopped walking. Jeremy snapped out of his thoughts as he looked at his boyfriend. 

“I already said I was fine” Jeremy snapped. Michael looked hurt. 

“I’m sorry babe it’s just one of those days I guess” He tried to amend.

“It’s okay Jere” Michael said. They finally got to the school and walked in.

“I’ll see you third?” Michael said not wanting to upset Jeremy any further. Jeremy just nodded as he hugged his boyfriend. Michael smiled and Jeremy wanted to leave before he messed things up even further.

Jeremy made his way to his Spanish class. He walked in and was immediately greeted by Rich.

“Hey dude finally decided to show up?” Rich asked with a smile. 

“Yeah” Jeremy said with a weak smile. He took his seat next to the shorter boy. Jeremy decided he wasn’t going to finish the breakfast. He felt bad enough for drinking about one fourth of the can. 

“Hey Rich you want the rest of this?” Jeremy asked as he pointed to the drink and bag. 

“You’re a life saver dude!” Rich said as he took Jeremy’s offering. Jeremy smiled as he watched his friend consume the food. He was happy that Michael had seen him eat without him actually having to. He opened up his binder and began to copy the notes from the board. The rest of the class dragged on.Jeremy couldn’t seem to focus and was beginning to feel light headed around geometry . He asked his second teacher if he could go drink water.

When Jeremy made his way to the fountain he had to grip it tightly. Jeremy felt his vision cloud as he struggled to keep himself up. He stayed there for a few minutes trying to steady himself. He finally drank the water and when he made his way back to class it was over. He retrieved his bag and made his way to the gym. He sighed as he knew he would be seeing Michael this period. He wasn’t in the mood to see people. He wanted to curl up and never leave his room. He wanted to disappear forever. 

“Hey Jere!” Michael greeted happily as he walked over to him. 

“Hey Mikey” Jeremy said trying and failing to match Michaels tone. 

“Up for a game of volleyball?” Michael asked as he walked over to the nets. 

“Sure” Jeremy said as he set his bag down. Jeremy was in no mood to do anything physical but he felt he needed to burn off the calories from his coffee. After all he did have 300. 

He walked to the opposite side of net and readied himself for Michael serve. Michael grinned happily as he spiked the ball to his boyfriend. Jeremy barely reached the ball in time but hit it back to Michael. The game continued like this for about fifteen minutes before Jeremy had to call for a time out. His excuse being he needed to go to the bathroom. Michael had no problem with this because he figured Jeremy had to fix his binder.

Jeremy walked outside of the gym and entered the bathroom. He was breathing heavily and felt his legs threaten to give out on him. He lowered himself to the floor and prayed no one would come in. Jeremy stayed there for a few minutes as he attempted to gather enough strength to stand up. When he finally did he walked over to the sink and began to splash water on his face. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and his mind began to race.

Disgusting  
Fat  
Huge

These were just some of the words that buzzed around Jeremy’s head. His eyes were transfixed on the mirror and he couldn’t seem to look away. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed but he heard someone enter the room. He didn't move until he felt someone place a hand on his shoulder.

“Jere?” Michael said as he felt the boy jump. 

“Sorry Mikey” Jeremy said, eyes never leaving the mirror. Michael turned the taller boy so he was forced to look at him.

“What’s wrong?” Michael asked as he stared into the boys blue eyes.

“Nothing's wrong.” Jeremy stated simply.

“Jere please don’t lie to me” Michael said with a frown. He hoped that Jeremy trusted him enough to tell him when things were going wrong.

“I’m just having a bad day” Jeremy tried to reason. Michael was having none of it.

“Jeremy why do you keep lying to me?” Michael asked. The look on his face made Jeremy want to do anything he could to make it go away.

“I just have a lot going on right now okay Mikey? all these finals are getting to me” Jeremy said. Michael furrowed his eyebrows as he searched Jeremy’s eyes. 

“You promise that’s all that’s going on?” 

“I promise” 

Jeremy felt even worse than before. He hated lying to Michael. He hated that he had snapped at him earlier. He hated that Michael couldn’t see how much of a train wreck he really was. He wanted Michael to realize before he destroyed them both.

“Let’s go get our bags yeah?” Michael said as they walked out of the bathroom. Michael had walked Jeremy to his next class and hugged him before he left. 

The rest of the day dragged on and Jeremy felt to exhausted to function. He was ready to go home and sleep for the rest of the day. He was surprised when he saw Michael waiting outside of his eighth period class.

“Jeremy! you ready for our date?” Michael said as he pulled the boy closer. Jeremy did his best to relax into the hug. 

“Yeah totally” Jeremy said as he pulled away. He smiled at Michael as he leaned in for a kiss. Michael met him halfway and smiled into the kiss. He was glad Jeremy was finally warming up to him.

“So where are we going again?” Jeremy asked as they walked down the stairs. 

“We’re going for sushi, remember?”Michael said happily. Lately Jeremy had been kinda distant and he was glad they would finally have time to be together.

“Sounds great” Jeremy said. He thought of a million reasons not to go but the look on Michael's face made him reconsider. He ran out of time to come up with an excuse as he soon found himself opening the door to the restaurant. 

Michael thanked him as they walked to a booth. Soon a server came over and gave them both menu’s.

Jeremy’s mind began to race as he looked over the options. Jeremy reluctantly settled on some California rolls. When the server came over Michael told her their order with a smile.

“Any drinks?” the woman asked.

“Pepsi for me and what about you Jere ?”

“Waters fine” Jeremy didn’t even want to think about drinking calories. He was barely able to consume them.

The woman smiled as she went to go put their ticket in.

“How was your day, love?” Michael asked as he looked at Jeremy intently.

“It was good I guess a lot of cramming in other classes and copying because of said cramming” Jeremy lied. He figured Michael didn’t need to know about the classes he skipped and spent in the staircases.

“I’m sure you’re gonna do fine Jere” Michael tried to comfort him. 

“I know I just can’t help it” Jeremy said. This made Michaels eyebrows raise.

“Anyway how was your day?” Jeremy asked.

“It was great! I feel like for once I’m actually doing something right in my engineering class” Michael stated happily. Jeremy knew how much Michael had struggled in that class.

“Im so proud of you Mikey glad things are finally working out!” Jeremy said with a smile. He was thankful that he didn’t have to worry about food for once. Michael was beaming at Jeremy and the two continued to talk. The waitress had finally come back with their food and Michael began to eat.

Jeremy felt himself tense up as he looked at the food in front of him. How was he supposed to eat all of this? In front of him were two California rolls that seemed entirely too large to him. He noticed Michael looking at him so he hesitantly reached for the chop sticks and raised the food to his mouth. Reluctantly he took a small bite and then reached for his water. He chugged half the glass before he could even entertain the idea of eating any more.

“So what are you working on in engineering?” He asked, hoping to deter the attention from his lack of eating. 

Michael continued to talk about his class for a few minutes and Jeremy nodded along. He hoped Michael didn’t ask him any questions. The shorter boy had paused as he took another bite of his own sushi. Jeremy reluctantly did the same. He took a few small bites but soon gave into the hunger that plagued his stomach. 

Michael was happy to see Jeremy finishing his food. He was glad their date seemed to be going well.

When Jeremy had finished his food he felt disgusting. His stomach was full and he hated the feeling. He drank the rest of his water and waited for his boyfriend to finish. When they both were done they left the restaurant and Michael had opted to walk him home.

When they reached Jeremy’s house he gave Michael a quick kiss and said goodbye. When Michael was out of his view he allowed himself to let go. He sobbed heavily as he walked himself up to his room. With the door locked behind him he took off his binder and put on a baggy shirt. He continued to cry as he hugged his knees to his chest. 

‘How could you be so stupid?’ Jeremy thought as he held his face in his hands. The boy just cried harder as he tried to focus on anything else. He saw his phone light up with texts from Michael but moved to put it on silent. He sighed as he closed his eyes promising himself he would do better tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael and Jeremy were going to get intimate and Michael finds out just how much Jeremy had been struggling:

Jeremy had kept his behavior up for about a week before Michael began to notice some changes. The two were at Michaels place playing video games when the situation took a turn.

“Are you even trying Mikey?” Jeremy quipped with a small laugh.

“Fuck you!” Michael said with a frustrated sigh. 

“Yeah? what’s stopping you?” Jeremy said rather suggestively. The two had been intimate before and truthfully it had been a while. 

After the comment Jeremy found himself underneath his boyfriend with his lips on his own. Jeremy happily reciprocated Michaels actions as he moved against his boyfriend eagerly.

“All the way this time?” Michael whispered hotly in Jeremy’s ear.

“God yes!” Jeremy said as he spread his legs a bit. Michael smirked as he helped Jeremy remove his hoodie. Jeremy seemed to wear a lot of those lately. He then lifted Jeremy’s shirt and the sight he saw left him without words.

“Michael? what’s wrong?” Jeremy asked when he noticed Michaels eyes on his stomach.

You’ve gotten too fat for him to want you  
He’s absolutely repulsed by your gigantic stomach 

“Jeremy.” Michael said quietly as he subconsciously reached a hand out. He passed it along Jeremy’s stomach to make sure his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him. Jeremy’s hip bones had jutted outward and his ribs were way to noticeable. 

Jeremy was crying. He hated the fact that he wasn’t good enough for Michael. He had tried so hard and nothing worked. He just got bigger and there was nothing he could do about it. He pushed Michael off of him as he hugged his knees to his chest. His dysphoria was not helping the situation. The look Michael gave him replayed in his mind.

“Jeremy” Michael repeated as took Jeremy’s hands in his own. Jeremy looked at him with matching glassy eyes. Michael had been crying too.

“I’m sorry I’m not good enough I really tried to be.” Jeremy said in between sobs. 

“What see you talking about?” Michael asked as he tried to compose himself.

“That’s why we stopped right? cuz I’m too fat for you to even want anymore.” Jeremy stated as though it was a fact. Michael was shocked to say the least. How could Jeremy even think that? He was quite the opposite but he still said it as though it was plain as day.

“Jeremy you aren’t fat , you’re underweight” Michael stated which received a laugh from his boyfriend.

“Stop trying to comfort me I know what I am” Jeremy said.

“Jeremy please” Michael said softly not really sure what he was asking for. Michael got up and got the scale his parents kept in the back of the basement.

“For me?” Michael coaxed as he set the scale down in from of him. Jeremy’s eyes became wide when he realized what Michael had wanted. He wanted to say no but the look Michael gave him hurt worse than the number he would see. He got on the scale and it read 118. 

Michael felt his heart sink as he read the number. How could he let Jeremy get this far? He should have been a more attentive boyfriend and noticed the signs before. He got out his phone and did a BMI calculator. He handed the results to Jeremy.

“Scales wrong then” Jeremy stated simply. Michael didn’t understand why Jeremy was insisting he was so big when in reality he was skin and bones. In a desperate attempt to get through to his boyfriend Michael lifted his own shirt over his head.

“Am I fat Jeremy?” He asked as he allowed Jeremy’s eyes to roam over his exposed stomach. Michael was by no means overweight or on the heavier side.

“Not at all” Jeremy stated truthfully. 

“I must be, because I’m bigger than you” Michael said as he motioned towards the mirror. They walked over to it and began to compare. For the first time in a while Jeremy actually saw what Michael was talking about. Jeremy saw the way his bones jutted out awkwardly. Michael had the perfect body in Jeremy’s opinion. And when the two were compared Jeremy saw how much damage he was doing to himself.

“Michael I..” Jeremy said as he ran a hand over Michaels stomach and then his own. When he felt his, he took note of how sharp everything was. Michaels was soft and beautiful while his own was caved in and awkward. 

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing, Jere?” Michael asked hoping he would get through to the boy. Jeremy nodded brokenly as he tore his eyes away from the mirror. All of this was too confusing. He didn’t understand why his body looked one way but he felt as though he was way to big.

“Jeremy how long has this been going on?” Michael asked without properly phrasing the question. His emotions were flying too high for him to really care at this point.

“About a month? I think?” Jeremy honestly couldn’t remember. 

Why the fuck did you tell him that?

“Why?” Michael asked bluntly. Jeremy didn’t know what to tell him. He thought about coming clean but that meant he wouldn’t be able to do what he felt he needed so badly. This was one of his ways he dealt with his dysphoria and didn’t see how he could give that up.

“Jeremy please” Michael said as he fought the urge to cry again.

“Michael I can’t tell you” Jeremy said plainly. Jeremy felt waves of guilt wash over him when he saw Michaels broken stare. He hated the fact that his boyfriend was so hurt. He hated that he was the one who caused it.

Michael was full on crying at this point. He didn’t understand why Jeremy didn’t trust him enough to tell him. Was he unhappy with their relationship? Was this Michaels fault? He wasn’t sure what to think. Jeremy was by him in an instant trying to wipe his tears away.

“Mikey..” Jeremy said as he pulled him into a hug. Michael was hesitant but he tried his best to relax into it.

“I need to know why, Jere” his voice faltered as he said it. He didn’t know if he could handle the idea of Jeremy wanting to break up but he needed to know.

“It’s because of-“ Jeremy started and then stopped. He needed Michael to know it wasn’t because of him but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Michael took his hand into his own as a sign for him to continue.

“my dysphoria” Jeremy finally finished his sentence. He hung his head lowly as he said the words. He never planned on admitting it to anyone but he here was spilling his heart out to Michael.

“What do you mean?” Michael asked not really understanding. Jeremy would literally rather do anything else than have this conversation.

“I can’t really explain it too well.. it’s like losing weight made me feel more like a boy and then my chest was shrinking as well and I couldn’t give stop and-“ Jeremy said. All his words came out in a jumble but he had to say them before he lost the courage to. He saw Michaels face shift from absolutely heartbroken to confused to somewhat understanding. 

“Is there anything I can do to help Jere?” Michael stated.

“M’not really sure” Jeremy said. 

“We’re gonna get through this together okay?” Michael promised.

“Okay.” Jeremy said not really believing Michaels words. He didn’t see a possible outcome of this getting better but he was willing to try.

“Jere?”

“Yeah Mikey?”

“How long has it been since your last meal?”

“About a day?” Jeremy said after he thought for a moment. He tried to ignore the thoughts that said it should’ve been longer. 

“Do you think we could go try?” Michael asked. He hoped Jeremy would agree because he really didn’t want to have to involve his parents or Jeremy’s yet.

“I guess we could.” Jeremy said as he reluctantly followed Michael. He felt as though he shouldn’t but the smile on Michaels face pushed him.

They made their way to Michaels kitchen and began to look through the fridge. Jeremy’s head began to spin as he looked at all the food. He was sure he didn’t want to do this anymore. He backed away from the fridge and sat down.

“It’s t-to much” Jeremy stated. He wasn’t ready to see so many types of food yet. 

“We’ll start small, yeah?” Michael said as he looks over his options. He decided he would make Jeremy a sandwich to see how he handled it. 

When Michael had finished he placed it in front of Jeremy and received a pained look.

“Mikey I can’t eat that.” Jeremy said. It was way too much food for him. He opened the sand which and even though it had all his favorite things his mind was busy trying to add up all the calories.

“Try? For me?” Michael begged as he made another one. He figured Jeremy would feel less cornered if they were both eating.

“I’ll try.” Jeremy said as he hesitantly picked up the sandwich. He brought the food to his lips and took a small bite. He made sure to chew the food at least 20 times before he swallowed. 

“Could I have a glass of water Mikey?” He asked.

“Of course Jere” Michael said as he got up. He soon came back with the glass and saw that Jeremy had only taken one more bite. He handed Jeremy the water and the taller boy immediately chugged most of it. Michael frowned but he knew how hard this must’ve been on his boyfriend so he waited. 

It had been 30 minutes and Jeremy had yet to finish one half of the sandwich. Michael was frustrated but he knew snapping would only push Jeremy further away so he just decided to clear the table.

“I’m proud of you for trying Jere” he said sweetly as he threw away the food. Jeremy smiled weakly as he got up. He pulled Michael into a hug and Michael was quick to hug him back happy that they were finally getting somewhere. 

“You tired?” Michael asked as he pulled away.

“Yeah” Jeremy said with a yawn.

“Let’s go to my room then.” Michael said as he lead the boy up the stairs. When they got to the door Michael pushed it opened and Jeremy immediately flopped on the bed. 

“Jeremy? your binder remember?” Michael reminded.

“Oh yeah.” Jeremy said as he turned to take it off. He put his shirt back on as Michael turned off the light. He moved to lay down next to his boyfriend and allowed Jeremy to snuggle against his chest.

“I love you, Jere” Michael whispered into Jeremy’s ear. 

“I Love you more Mikey” Jeremy said as he leaned up to kiss Michael sweetly. Michael was a little surprised but he welcomed the kiss. They pulled away when Jeremy yawned which had caused Michael to laugh. The next thing Michael knew Jeremy was snoring lightly.

Michael cautiously reached for his phone and looked up ways to help his friend. He read something about starting with them drinking more calories along with their food so Michael began to think of things he could get Jeremy to drink. He decided that first thing tomorrow morning he would make smoothies so that Jeremy could start to put on weight. With a yawn Michael shut off his phone, closed his eyes and fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Michael was the first of the two to wake up. He smiled happily as he looked over to see Jeremy sleeping soundly next to him. Jeremy looked so peaceful and Michael couldn’t remember the last time he looked so calm. Michael carefully moved Jeremy’s arm so he could get out of the bed.

When Michael finally made it to the kitchen he decided he was going to make smoothies. He plugged in the blender and took out a few measuring cups. He unlocked his phone and reopened the page that had the recipe.

He measured about 12 ounces of milk and added them to the cup. He then opened the fridge and retrieved an apple and began to cut it. He then got the almonds and oats from the cupboard. He added everything to the mix and then read the last ingredient which was vanilla flavored protein.

Where was he supposed to find that?

He remembered his dad had some because of that weird mid life crisis he had a few weeks back and thanked god for his dad being so weird. He got the powder and added it to the blender. He turned on the blender and waited for the contents to liquify. Michael poured a small amount into a cup so he could taste it. He decided to add some cinnamon and then poured a glass for Jeremy.

“Mikey?” Jeremy asked as he stretched in his boyfriends room. He heard no response so he just continued on his morning routine. He finally made his way to the kitchen and sure enough Michael was waiting for him.

“What’s all this?” Jeremy asked with a yawn.

“Just a smoothie I made for my awesome boyfriend” Michael responded sweetly. He hoped Jeremy wouldn’t ask the contents of it.

Jeremy immediately stiffened at Michaels words. He didn’t want to think about all the calories that had to be in the shake.

“Mikey..” he started. Michael just cut him off as he handed him a glass.

“Jeremy I need you to try okay?” Michael said as he met Jeremy’s gaze. The taller boy just gulped as he took the glass from his boyfriend. Hesitantly he raised the glass to his lips and took a sip. 

It was really sweet. Way too sweet for Jeremy. He couldn’t remember the last time he had something like this.

“Michael I c-can’t” Jeremy stated as he set the glass down. Michael frowned as he began to drink from his own glass.

“We have time” Michael stated. Jeremy was about to ask what that meant when the realization dawned on him. 

“You’re not really gonna keep me here all day are you?” Jeremy asked.

“We don’t have to stay here all day, as long as you drink it.” Michael said firmly. He hated acting like a parent and not a boyfriend but he did what he had to do.

“Mikey..” 

“You need to drink it.” 

Jeremy let out a huff as he reluctantly reached for the glass. He began to take longer sips than before and half the glass was gone. He looked expectantly at Michael and was met with raised eyebrows. 

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this” Jeremy mumbled. He reluctantly finished the glass and placed it on the table.

“Happy now?” He asked.

“Very” Michael said as he walked over to him. He pulled him into a hug and gripped him tightly.

“I’m only doing this cause I love you okay?” Michael murmured against the taller boys chest. Jeremy just did his best to relax into the hug 

“Thanks for doing all this” he said finally. He knew Michael didn’t have to go through all the trouble but he did.

“Can we go play video games?” He asked as he pulled away. Michael nodded and followed the boy down to the basement. 

Jeremy began to set up the game as Michael sat down next to him. The two quickly became lost in the game and the competition they had against each other.

“Damn Jere have you played this before?” Michael asked obviously knowing the answer. 

“A lotta talk from someone who’s losing” Jeremy shot back as he quickly cut in front of Michaels character.

“Why you little-“ Michael started as leaned over to mess with his boyfriends character. The two lost interest in the game as they focused on messing with each other. 

Jeremy soon found himself on top of Michael pinning him down.

“Jere are you okay with this?” Michael asked. Jeremy was sick of his boyfriend treading him like he was some delicate flower. 

“Who’s on top of who here?” Jeremy reminded as he leaned down to connect their lips. Michael met Jeremy’s lips happily and the two began to kiss sweetly. Michael held Jeremy close as they made out. Jeremy smiled into the kiss but then felt himself become faint so he stopped reluctantly.

“Jere? What’s wrong?” Michael asked as he felt the boy collapse on top of him.

“Just need a minute.” Jeremy said as he waited for his vision to clear up. Michael shifted so Jeremy was sitting on his lap. 

“Jeremy it’s about two” Michael said softly.

“Yeah so?” Jeremy said as he moved to kiss his boyfriend again.

“I was thinking we could go have lunch?” Michael said in between kisses. He felt Jeremy’s body tense as he held him.

“Michael..” Jeremy said. He already had all the calories from the smoothie to worry about. Plus, he was sure Michael would try to find a way to stuff whatever meal he was planning with them.

Michael had kissed Jeremy one last time before Jeremy moved to get up. Michael led Jeremy to the living room and asked him to pick out a show.

Michael made his way to the kitchen and began to look through his fridge. He decided that he would make a stir fry so Jeremy could be a little more comfortable with eating this time. When he was finished making the food he brought it to the living room and set a sizeable portion in front of Jeremy. He never expected him to eat it all but he knew no matter how little he gave him, jeremy would fine some excuse to not clear his plate.

“Looks good” Jeremy complimented with a nervous smile. Michael smiled warmly at his boyfriend as he sat down.

Jeremy’s mind was instantly flooded with thoughts about how much fatter he would be if he ate the food. He didn’t want to disappoint Michael but looking at the food made him feel anxious. Michael seemed to notice this and moved closer to his boyfriend so he could comfort him.

“C’mon Jere just start small okay?” Michael reassured as he took one of Jeremy’s hands in his own. Jeremy hesitantly picked the broccoli up with his fork and brought it to his mouth. He began to chew, making sure he counted to at least 20 before he swallowed it. Michael smiled as he began to focus on his own food. The meal went on like this for a while before Jeremy had decided he had enough. His plate was about half way empty but Michael was proud.

“So proud of you, Jere” Michael said as he moved to clear their plates.

“Thanks babe” Jeremy said as he motioned for Michael to sit back down. He gathered both their plates and went to the kitchen. He felt guilty for making Michael do so much work. He cleaned the plates and walked back to cuddle on the couch with Michael.

They finished the movie they were watching when Jeremy heard the voices get particularly louder.

Fat  
Disgusting  
Huge  
He doesn’t love you  
How could he?  
Gross

Jeremy excused himself quickly and went to the bathroom. He took his spare tooth brush out of its case and shoved the bag end down his throat as he hovered over the toilet. He was in a rush so he forgot to shut the door or turn on the faucet. Michael heard the noises coming from the bathroom so he immediately got up and walked to it.

“Jere are you okay?” Michael asked. Jeremy said nothing but the sounds got louder. Michael was worried so he pushed open the door. The sight broke his heart. He saw Jeremy with the toothbrush heaving over the toilet. Michael pulled him back and quickly took the toothbrush from him.

“Jeremy what are you- Jeremy stop!” Michael said as he practically wrestled his boyfriend. Jeremy was crying now as Michael held him back from the toilet.

“Michael I need to! get off of me!” Jeremy said in a fit of hysterics. Michael only held him tighter. He didn’t care if Jeremy fought him all the way, he wasn’t going to let him ruin his progress.

“Jere it’s been over an hour throwing up will only just hurt your throat.” Michael tried to reason. Jeremy just continued to struggle. After a few minutes Jeremy finally let up, too exhausted to continue.

“Holy shit did I hurt you? I’m so sorry Michael!” Jeremy said as he turned to his boyfriend. Michael didn’t appear to be hurt but Jeremy knew how hard he fought against him to purge.

“I forgive you Jeremy” Michael said as he caught his breath. He was starting to realize the effects this was having on them and their relationship. Michael knew he couldn’t fix Jeremy. He knew that Jeremy would only get worse if he didn’t get professional help.

“Jeremy, how long has it been since you’ve seen your therapist?” Michael asked as they walked to his room.

“About a month? Why?” Jeremy replied as he opened the door.

“Jeremy you have to go see her” Michael stated simply.

“I don’t know Michael..” 

“Jeremy she’d be able to help you with this kinda thing. I don’t really know how dysphoria feels or works on like a physiological level yknow?” Michael tried to reason.

oh  
So he’s finally tired of you  
It was only a matter of time

“I’m sorry.” Jeremy whispered.

“I knew this would happen eventually.I-I think I should go home.”

Jeremy was spiraling out of control and Michael really didn’t have the energy to help him right now.

“Jere I still love you okay? I want to be with you but this is beyond us.”

“I don’t know how I’m gonna do this. I want to get better but I don’t know how to” Jeremy stated. Michael just moved to rub his bag affectionately.

“You and I are a team Jere. you won’t have to do it alone, I promise.” Jeremy moved closer to Michael on the bed as they just embraced each other. Their relationship had really took a turn for the worst lately. They both loved these moments though, where nothing else mattered but them two. They decided that they would watch movies until they fell asleep, which happened to be one of their favorite pass times.

“I love you.” Jeremy said as cuddled against Michaels chest.

“I love you too” Michael said as he kissed his forehead.

They focused on the movie as neither boy had enough energy to do much of anything else. They would figure it out in the morning.


	4. Chapter 4

The days went on until Michael had snapped. It was about one and a half weeks later when he had enough. He felt as though Jeremy was barely even trying. What was he supposed to think? Jeremy had fought him every step of the way. No matter how much Michael did for him Jeremy would always fight. They were in the middle of a lunch Michael had made when everything finally came to a boiling point.

“Jeremy you’ve barely touched your food” Michael pointed out as he took a bite of his own.

“How do you expect me to eat this?” Jeremy shot back without thinking. He was starting to resent Michael for constantly hovering over him. He felt like a fucking child. Michael was always trying to make him eat. What didn’t he understand? Jeremy was fat and Michael just wanted to slow his progress.

“Hmm I wonder.. maybe your fucking mouth?” Michael spat. It came out more sarcastic than he originally intended but he was too fed up to care.

“You’d like that wouldn’t you? want me to be disgustingly fat so you feel better about yourself” Jeremy said. The taller boy received a dumbfounded look plastered on Michaels face.

“Jeremy that doesn’t even make any sense” Michael stated. 

“It’s obvious Michael! you just won’t stop until I’m fucking bedridden” Jeremy said with a scoff. Michael couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“I won’t stop until you’re bedridden? That’s exactly what your doing!” Michael said angrily.

“You keep going at this rate and see what happens to you” Michael yelled. He couldn’t bring himself to care about the words he was saying. 

“Gladly” Jeremy said as he stood up. He grabbed his phone and left the kitchen. 

“Where are you going?” Michael asked as he followed his boyfriend.

“Stop hovering over me like I’m a child!” Jeremy screamed as he grabbed his stuff.

“I’m going home.” was all he said as made his way to Michaels front door.

“Jeremy you’re not-“ Michael started but Jeremy had cut him off.

“You can’t stop me Michael just let me go home.” Jeremy said. Michael felt his jaw clench as he saw the scene unfold. He knew Jeremy was right, if he wanted to leave there was nothing Michael could do.

“Fine” was all he said as he shut the door behind Jeremy. Michael was in tears as soon as his boyfriend had left. Did this mean they were broken up? Did Jeremy hate him? Michael wasn’t sure of anything any more. He grabbed fistfuls of his hair as he cried. He wasn’t sure what to do. He paused for a moment deciding to do what he should’ve done as soon as Jeremy had told him. He knew Jeremy might hate him for it but he’d rather him be alive to do it than be dead.

Michael took his phone out of his pocket and hesitantly typed in Jeremy’s dads phone number.

“Hello?”  
“Mr Heere?”  
“Oh hey Michael what’s up?”  
“I need to tell you something about Jeremy. He said he was going home so I gotta tell you now”  
“What is it?”  
“Jeremy hasn’t been eating” Michael said bluntly. He wasn’t really sure how else to phrase it.  
“What do you mean?”  
“He’s been skipping meals and I’ve tried to help him but he just tries to throw up when he does. He needs to see a professional.”  
“Are you serious? thanks for telling me Michael. I’ll make sure I talk to him when he gets home.” Jeremy’s dad said. From the tone of his voice Michael could tell he was on the verge of tears. 

Before Michael could say anything the phone call ended. He hoped Jeremy wouldn’t hate him for this but he knew it was the right thing to do. Michael went back to his living room to clear his table. He no longer had an appetite so he just cleaned the dishes and went to his room.

Jeremy was feeling terrible about the whole situation. He hadn’t meant to snap at Michael the way he did but all of this was too hard for him. He took his phone out of his pocket and called Michael when he opened the door.

Michael picked up the phone as soon as he heard it ring. 

“Jere?” 

“Hey Mikey I just wanted to say I” Jeremy never got to finish his sentence. Upon entering his house he was met by his dad who seemed to be waiting for him. He never ended the call so Michael could hear everything that was happening.

“Jeremy, Michael told me about what you’ve been doing these lasts few weeks.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Skipping meals? throwing up? any of these seem familiar?” Mr Heere hoped that Jeremy would prove him wrong. He didn’t want to believe that this was actually happening to his son.

“So what if I do? I could stand to lose a few pounds anyway.” Jeremy stated as casually as he could. Maybe his dad would just forget about the whole thing if he didn’t make it a big deal.

“Jeremy take off the sweater.” Mr Heere said as he looked at his son.

“Why?”

“Please, son.” the look his father gave him was one he barely ever saw. The last time he saw his dad this heartbroken was when his mother left him. He reluctantly took off the sweater.

Jeremy’s dad didn’t speak. His eyes were transfixed on his son’s malnourished body. He hated the fact that he didn’t noticed sooner. 

“You don’t have to stare yknow” Jeremy said as he moved to grab the sweater.

“Jeremy how did this happen?” His dad asked finally. 

“I ate too much obviously” Jeremy stated. He couldn’t believe that his dad was torturing him like this. He knew he was fat and he was trying to work on that but his dad made him feel so much worse.

“Jeremy you’re underweight” His dad stated simply. Jeremy scoffed. 

“You call this underweight?” Jeremy said as he lifted his shirt midway. He heard his father gasp and thought he finally understood.

“Jeremy how long has it been since you’ve seen Jane?” His father asked. 

“Why does everyone keep asking that?”

“How long?” His father asked somewhat more sternly.

“Two months?” Jeremy said unsure of himself. He honestly didn’t know how long it’s been since he’s seen his therapist.

“We are making an appointment right now”

That was the last thing Michael heard before Jeremy realized he was still on the phone call. Jeremy immediately hung up the phone and Michael felt his gut pool with anxiety. He couldn’t help but feel bad for telling Jeremy’s father but he knew it was the right choice. He hugged his knees to his chest as he felt himself begin to cry again. He really couldn’t bare the thought of Jeremy hating him. Part of him wanted to go over but he knew he shouldn’t. He settled for just sobbing into his pillow because he knew Jeremy wouldn’t want to see him.

His last coherent thought was of Jeremy before he forced himself to fall asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been about 4 days of unreturned calls and texts when Michael worked up enough courage and swallowed his own pride, to go over to his boyfriends house. Could he even call Jeremy that anymore? He wasn’t sure. Michael needed to know how Jeremy felt because it was driving him crazy and he knew gestures mattered, no matter how small. With a hesitant breath Michael knocked on the door. 

Michael felt the rain pour down on his sweater as his heartbeat quickened. He waited for an answer as he began to shiver slightly from the cold.

“Michael?” Jeremy stated more like a question as he opened the door. 

“Jeremy we need to talk” 

“Get in here Mikey” Jeremy cooed softly as he tried to shelter his boyfriend from the rain. He lead Michael to his room and opened his closet to retrieve a sweater for Michael and tossed it over to him.

“Are you okay?” Jeremy asked as took Michaels damp sweater and hung it up.

“m’fine” Michael said as he put on the sweater Jeremy had tossed him. Michael just stared at his thumbs not knowing how to start the conversation.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been returning your calls” Jeremy stated as he moved to sit next to Michael. The shorter boy didn’t shy away so he took this as a sign to move even closer.

“Why didn’t you?” Michael asked as his voice wavered slightly. Michaels mind was buzzing with all the possible answers to his own question and he didn’t want them to be true.

“You told my dad, Michael! how did you expect me to feel after betraying me like that?” Jeremy said rather loudly but he was not yelling just yet. He was tired of fighting with Michael and he wanted to fix things.

“Jeremy I’m sorry you feel betrayed but if I didn’t who knows what could’ve happened to you?” Michael said without caring how broken he sounded. He hoped Jeremy would understand where he was coming from. Before he could stop himself he felt tears slipping down his cheeks

“Mikey..” Jeremy said as he wipe his boyfriends cheek. Jeremy hated how broken Michael looked. He just wanted to make him feel better.

“I can’t lose you Jere” was all Michael said as he cried harder. Jeremy reached his arms out to pull his boyfriend into a hug.

“You aren’t going to” Jeremy stated as he tried to console the now shaking boy in front of him. He hugged him tighter as Michael allowed himself to fall apart. He trusted Jeremy enough to see him like this and he couldn’t hold it in any longer.

“I know what I’m doing is wrong and I’m trying to stop okay?” Jeremy whispered softly. Michael was not expecting to hear that. Jeremy never admitted that his behavior was wrong. He believed that what he was doing was perfectly fine. This caused Michael to shoot a questioning glance his way as he pulled away.

“I’ve been seeing my therapist. Talking about everything has really been helping. She is helping me work on finding other ways to deal with my dysphoria.” Jeremy explained. Michael was happy that Jeremy was trying harder. He knew it would be hard but he was glad his boyfriend was willing to try.

“That awesome, Jere!” Michael said as he wiped at his face. Jeremy smiled happy to see Michael feeling somewhat better.

“I guess so..” Jeremy started as he reached for Michaels hands. He wasn’t aware of how much he actually missed the contact. Michael smiled at him warmly as he waited for him to continue.

“I’m really sorry about the fight. I’m sorry that you had to see me like that.. like this” Jeremy stated softly. He knew he was nowhere near better but for the first time in a while he felt like he could get there.

“I’m sorry too.. we both said things we didn’t mean.” Michael said as he moved closer to Jeremy. He kissed his forehead and then both of his cheeks, his nose and then finally pecked his lips. Jeremy smiled into this kiss and reciprocated Michaels actions. 

The kiss was sweet and Jeremy seemed to forget how soft Michaels lips were. He moved one of his hands to run it through Michaels hair as they kissed. Eventually they pulled apart, both boys smiling at each other.

“I missed you Mikey” Jeremy whispered as he pulled his boyfriend into a hug. They fell happily on the bed as they tried to get closer to each other.

“I missed you too, Jere” Michael stated softly as they cuddled. He took notice of his boyfriends slightly heavier frame. As much as he wanted to comment on it he kept his mouth closed in fear that it would disrupt his progress. Michael was in the middle of running a hand through Jeremy’s hair when he felt his stomach grumble which caused his face to heat up.

“You hungry?” Jeremy asked with a small laugh as he moved to get up.

“No Im okay” Michael lied. He didn’t want to trigger Jeremy in any way so he thought it was best to ignore his own body.

“Nah c’mon let’s go find something” Jeremy said as he pulled Michael up with him. Michael reluctantly followed him to the kitchen and hoped everything would be fine.

“My dad had ordered pizza about an hour before you came” Jeremy said as he gathered the plates and cups. 

“As long as it’s not pineapple again” Michael said with a disgusted face. He didn’t understand how some people thought fruit and pizza could go together.

“Nah he ate those slices, thankfully.” Jeremy said as he opened the box.

“Could you pour us some soda?” Jeremy asked as he placed the pizza on the plates.

“uh yeah sure” Michael said as he reached for the bottle. Something about the whole situation felt off to him. Jeremy wouldn’t touch any drink unless it was water only a few days ago. Michael tried to ignore the feeling as he filled the cups. They gathered the food and went back to Jeremy’s room.

“Video games before or after?” Jeremy asked even though he knew the answer.

“During, obviously” Michael said with a smile as he reached for the controller. He was finally starting to feel at ease. Jeremy rolled his eyes playfully as he reached for his other controller.

The two began to play and almost forgot about their food in the process. Michael tried to maneuver the controller with one hand as he lifted his pizza with the other. Jeremy decided he wouldn’t let Michael's character die right then and there. He paused the game and reached for his own slice.

Michael smiled as he noticed Jeremy eating with seemingly no issue. He wasn’t sure what changed but he was glad it did.

The two continued like this until their plates were empty and they finally beat the level. Neither of them realized what time it was until they finished the game so they were surprised to see it was now 8 pm.

“Dude we really suck at that game” Michael stated as he checked his phone. They literally spent five hours trying to beat one level.

“We did it though” Jeremy offered as he moved to put his controller away. Michael did the same as he chugged his third cup of soda.

“I guess” Michael said with a huff. Jeremy just turned to him and pulled him closer.

“It’s just a game” Jeremy reminded as he kissed Michaels cheek. The shorter boy was still discouraged but he decided to focus his attention on Jeremy.

“Kiss me?” He asked sweetly.

“I already did” Jeremy teased.

“Jeremyyyyy” Michael drawled as he tried to remain patient. Four days without constant affection really got to him. Jeremy gave in and pecked his boyfriends lips. Michael smiled as he returned the kiss and eagerly leaned closer to get better access. They stayed like this for a few minutes before they reluctantly broke apart for air.

“s’alright with you if I go take a shower?” Jeremy asked as he moved to get up. He would only be gone for 15 minutes tops but he still wanted to make sure Michael would be fine.

“Go ahead dude” Michael said as he began to flick through the tv channels. 

“Wow won’t even miss me” Jeremy teased. Michael moved the back of his hand across his forehead to mimic a Damsel in distress.

“Whatever shall I do?” He said with mock sadness. Jeremy just rolled his eyes as he grabbed his towel.

“I’ll be back in like fifteen” Jeremy stated as he left. He set up the shower and removed his clothes. He stepped in careful to avoid his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He hated seeing himself without a binder. He was reminded of the fact that he had been born female and he hated every feminine feature on him. Jeremy hadn’t really heard the usual voices in his head all day but now they were louder than ever.

Jeremy tried his best to ignore his thoughts as he made quick work of cleaning his body. He tried his best to ignore his chest, closing his eyes and rubbing the body wash over it quickly. 

Disgusting  
Fat  
Not a real man  
Real men don’t eat  
Real men have flat chests

The voices were growing stronger and Jeremy didn’t know how long he could hold out. He couldn’t stop himself as he opened the shower curtain, with the water still running and grabbed his toothbrush. He was hunched over the toilet again and ready to take another look at his dinner.

Jeremy couldn’t remember how many times he found himself in this situation. This time was different though, he was fighting against the urge that made him want to puke up everything he had eaten.

Real men don’t eat  
Real men have flat chests

The words repeated like a sick mantra over and over in his head. He stuck the end of the toothbrush in his mouth and began to gag. He did it one more time before he realized what he was doing. He threw down the toothbrush and began to shake.

Michael was sure Jeremy had promised fifteen. It was now almost twenty five minutes later so he decided to check on him. He knocked on the door and when he didn’t get a response he pushed it open. He saw Jeremy on the floor heaving with the toothbrush next to him. Michael felt his heart sink as he turned off the water. He picked up the toothbrush and threw it in the trash and went to flush the toilet. Michael was surprised to see nothing in it.

Michael grabbed his boyfriends towel and coaxed him to get up. He wrapped Jeremy in it and lead him to his room.

“Jeremy what happened?” Michael asked with a confused look on his face. Jeremy had finally seemed to settle down so he put on his clothes and reached for one of Michaels sweaters he never returned.

“It’s my d-dysphoria.. I didn’t have my binder and-“ Jeremy started but Michael already knew where he was going with it. Michael pulled Jeremy into a hug to try and console him as he spoke.

“I was going to.. you know- but I didn’t..” Jeremy said as tried to calm himself down.

“I’m so proud of you, Jere” Michael said softly as he held the other boy tightly. He was glad Jeremy put up a fight this time.

“I’m sorry you have to put up with all of this” Jeremy stated after he finally calmed down. 

“Don’t say things like that okay? I’m happy to be here for you” Michael said as he reached for Jeremy’s hands. He laced their fingers together and moved to kiss Jeremy’s face.

“I love you so much babe” He said as kissed the boys forehead, nose and cheeks. Jeremy smiled as Michael continued.

“You’re my perfect boyfriend, everything id ever want in a man.” Michael said, this time pecking Jeremy’s lips.

“My prince, my knight in shining armor, my everything” Michael said affectionately. Jeremy didn’t understand how he got so lucky.

“I love you so much Mikey” Jeremy said as he kissed his boyfriend this time. Michael smiled into the kiss and rubbed Jeremy’s back soothingly. 

“Can we watch tv now?” Jeremy asked as he moved to lay down.

“Tired of kissing me?” Michael teased.

“Never! just want cuddles” Jeremy stated simply. Michael moved to lay down next to him and allowed Jeremy to rest his head on his shoulder.

“Ask and you shall receive” Michael said cheekily.

“You’re such a dork” Jeremy said with a playful roll of his eyes.

“Yeah, but you love this dork” Michael said with a lopsided grin.

“Damn right” Jeremy said as kissed Michaels jaw before focusing on the television screen.


	6. Chapter 6

Jeremy was the first of the two to wake up. He took note of Michaels body fitting perfectly against his own. Everything about Michael was perfect to him. He relished in the moments when he could see his boyfriend like this. Michaels chest was rising and falling softly and his face looked softer than ever. Jeremy couldn’t resist reaching over and kissing his forehead lightly. Michaels eyes fluttered open as he looked at his boyfriend.

“Good morning?” Michael said with a yawn. He wasn’t really sure what time it was. Jeremy just smiled and kissed his cheek this time.

“It is, isn’t it?” Jeremy said as he kissed Michaels nose. Jeremy was about to kiss Michaels lips when he heard a knock on his door.

“Jere? are you awake yet?” His father called. Jeremy just groaned and reluctantly went to the door.

“Yeah I am” Jeremy said as he opened it.

“Oh hey Michael” Mr Heere said nonchalantly. Seeing Michael in his sons bed was a regular thing now that the two had been together for a few months. He didn’t really mind as long as the two were being safe.

“Jeremy I was talking to your therapist” His dad started. Worry was spread across his features as he waited for his dad to continue.

“yeah?” He gulped.

“we were talking about the possibility of top surgery” His dad said and instantly Jeremy’s eyes lit up.

“Really?” Jeremy asked. He knew his dad wasn’t the type to present information like this unless it was a real possibility.

“Yeah but the only thing is you need to meet some of your goal weights first. they cannot perform the surgery until you’re at a healthy weight.” His dad explained before he could cut in. Jeremy wasn’t sure he would be able to do it.

“Oh.. I see” Jeremy stated plainly. He really couldn’t tell what he needed more any more. His need for top surgery started when he was about eleven and had always been in the back of his mind ever since. His need for starvation was a recent one but he wasn’t sure how he could give that up. He was snapped out of his thoughts when Michael reached for his hand.

“You can do this Jere, I know you can.” Michael said as he squeezed his boyfriends hand.

“How much do I need to weigh?” He asked, not really wanted to know the answer. 

“You need to have a BMI of at least nineteen” Mr. Heere said, making sure to avoid the numbers. He knew how nervous they could make Jeremy feel. Jeremy relaxed slightly as he heard what his dad had said. A BMI of nineteen didn’t seem so out of reach.

“Okay” Jeremy said quietly. He wasn’t sure he could do it but he was willing to try. 

“I’ll try dad I promise” Jeremy said as he hugged his father.

“That’s all I ask Jeremy” His dad said as he hugged him back.

“I’ll go get started on breakfast okay?” His dad said as he got up. 

“Sounds good” Jeremy said as sat back down next to Michael. His father left the room and Jeremy got up to look through his closet.

“Michael could you do me a favor?” He asked as he pulled out the scale.

“Sure, what is it?” Michael asked.

“I don’t really trust myself to see the number. So could you calculate my BMI to see where I’m at right now?”

“I got you” Michael said. Jeremy shut his eyes as he took a hesitant step onto the scale. Michael was behind him, making sure to cover Jeremy’s eyes with his hands in case he tried to check. He did. The scale read 124. Michael carefully lead Jeremy off the scale and recorded the number in his phone. After doing the calculations, Jeremy’s BMI was 18.3.

“Give it to me straight” Jeremy said unaware of his voice wavering.

“I can’t really do anything straight” Michael said trying to lighten the mood. Jeremy let out a small laugh as waited.

“Eighteen point three” Michael stated simply. Jeremy wasn’t really sure how to feel. He wasn’t that far off but he remembered when he was significantly lower than that and how great it made him feel.

“Can’t be too hard, right?” Jeremy wasn’t even convincing himself.

“Even if it is, I’ll be here” Michael said as he put the scale away. He turned to Jeremy to hug him tightly. Jeremy relaxed into the hug and pulled Michael closer to him.

“So breakfast yeah?” Michael said hesitantly.

“y-yeah lets go try” Jeremy said as he ran a hand through Michaels hair. Michael smiled as he kissed Jeremy softly and then walked towards the door. They made their way down the stairs, to the kitchen and were met with stacks of pancakes.

“This looks great Mr. Heere” Michael complimented as he pulled out a chair for Jeremy. Jeremy sat down and reached for one of Michaels hands as he looked at the food.

“Thanks Michael” Mr Heere said as he sat down. He was halfway through his first pancake when he got a phone call.

“Yeah okay I’ll be right there” He hung up the phone and proceeded to gather his jacket and bag.

“Boss says I need to be there early so I’ll see you guys later” Mr Heere said as he practically rushed out the door.

Michael felt himself tense up as he watched Jeremy’s dad leave. Jeremy took note of this and frowned slightly. He could tell what Michael was thinking. He didn’t want to be alone with Jeremy if he was just gonna freak out on him again. Jeremy just tried to ignore what he saw and reached for a pancake. He took the syrup and poured a small amount onto his plate. When he began to eat Michael let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

Jeremy dropped his fork and held his head in his hands. For once he wasn’t crying over the food but rather the way Michael was so scared around him.

“Jere? what’s wrong?” Michael asked as he got up. He was by his boyfriends side in seconds trying to console him.

“I’m not made of glass” Jeremy muttered against Michaels chest. Even then, Michael was hesitant about holding him.

“What are you talking about?”

“Are you scared of me Mikey?” Jeremy asked as he pulled away slightly.

“No! Not at all” came Michaels instant reply.

“So why do you get so tense whenever you come over?” Jeremy asked even though he was afraid of the answer.

“Look Jere, it’s just that we haven’t been in the best place lately” Michael stated. He was sure he shouldn’t be talking about this but he was hurting too. Jeremy’s face fell but he waited for Michael to continue.

“It’s just that..this whole thing has been hard on the both of us, okay?” Michael said softly. He needed to be honest with Jeremy but he didn’t want Jeremy to take it the wrong way.

“That’s fair.. I just don’t want you to feel like you can’t be comfortable here okay? I love you so much Mikey I don’t want you to feel that way” Jeremy said. He didn’t know why he was rambling but it pained him to know how Michael was feeling.

“I love you too, Jere.. I’m glad we’re getting back on track..” Michael said. He didn’t want to lie to Jeremy any more on how he was feeling. He hoped they would get better together but he wasn’t really sure.

“Hug me?” Jeremy asked sweetly. Michael quickly embraced Jeremy and held him tightly.

“I love you” Jeremy whispered against his chest. 

“I love you too” Michael said as he moved a hand through Jeremy’s hair.

“Kiss me?” Jeremy said as he pulled away slightly. Michaels lips were on his in an instant. Jeremy hummed agaInst Michaels lips happily.

“You taste like syrup” Michael said with a grin.

“I wonder why” Jeremy said with a smile as he reached for his fork. Michael stole one more kiss before he moved to eat his own breakfast. The two stayed together eating until they had both had enough. Michael made a mental note of how much Jeremy had ate. He was proud that Jeremy seemed to be developing a better relationship with food.

“Soo more cuddles?” Jeremy asked as he cleared the table. Michael smiled as he followed right behind Jeremy.

“Of course babe” He said as he hugged him from behind. When Jeremy was finished they went back to his room and laid down on the bed. Jeremy decided he would let Michael rest him head on his chest as he pressed kisses to his forehead.

“I love you so much Mikey” Jeremy said as he kissed his face. Michael smiled as he moved impossibly closer to his boyfriend. 

“I love you more” came Michaels reply as he wrapped his body around Jeremy’s. He hugged his boyfriend as tight as he could without accidentally hurting him.

“Impossible” Jeremy said as he kissed Michaels lips. Michael smiled into the kiss but titled his head slightly to give Jeremy better access. Jeremy swiped his tongue lightly against Michaels lips almost unsure if Michael would allow him. Michael quickly opened his mouth and the kiss took a more passionate turn. Jeremy couldn’t remember the last time they had been this relaxed and happy around each other.

Jeremy’s thoughts were soon drowned out by a whimper from Michaels lips. Jeremy smirked as he moved to kiss Michaels neck. Michael was sighing softly as he turned to give Jeremy more room to work with. Jeremy was one to take his time, he first kissed his neck softly but then began to suck the skin harder. Soon Michael was sporting a few love bites. When Jeremy was done he kissed Michaels lips one more time and then looked at him.

“You look so pretty like that, Mikey” He stated as he took in the sight of Michaels skin. He was proud that he was the one who Michael allowed to do this.

“Do I?” Michael asked unsure.

“Look so beautiful like this” Jeremy whispered as he stole another kiss. Michael instinctively pulled Jermey on top of him as he kissed Jeremy back.

“Jere.. do you think we could..” Michael said as he toyed with the sweater Jeremy had on.

“God yes” Jeremy said as he leaned in to kiss Michael again.

Maybe they would be okay after all.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy finds himself slipping into old habits when school resumes.

Michael opened his eyes and scanned Jeremy’s room. He noticed two things. One, his lower half was sore. And two, Jeremy was nowhere in sight. He winced as he reluctantly got out of bed. He grabbed some of Jeremy’s clothes hoping he wouldn’t mind and made his way to the bathroom. He walked in and was met with Jeremy walking out of the shower.

“Hey babe” Jeremy greeted as he pecked Michaels lips quickly. Their winter break was finally over so they had to get back to school.

“I don’t wanna go” Michael drawled. It was bad enough they had school but they had to leave even earlier to get Michaels things.

“Cmon babe we have too” Jeremy called from down the hallway.Michael just huffed as he closed the bathroom door. When Michael was finished he reluctantly followed Jeremy out of his house and and towards his own. 

Both boys were caught up in such a rush that they had forgotten breakfast. Michael forgot, Jeremy didn’t. It was so easy for him to slip back into the routine of avoiding food. Michael wouldn’t be attached to his hip all day so he could afford to eat way less. At first, Jeremy tried to forget about those thoughts. He had goals and knew where he needed to be. The more he thought about it however the more appealing it seemed. He felt guilty for practically formulating these plans with Michael right next to him.

“Cmon dude stop thinking of your weird furry dreams and hurry up!” Michael chastised. 

“I’m not a furry!” Jeremy responded lamely.

“Exactly what a furry would say” Michael said with a devious grin. Jeremy rolled his eyes as he watched Michael open his front door. Michael knew his moms wouldn’t really care if he slept over at Jeremy’s, they’ve been doing impromptu sleepovers since they could walk. He tried to calm himself as he walked in just to reach for his bag.

“Michael!” One of his moms called as she noticed his failed attempt to be quiet. Michael just tried to play it off as Jeremy walked in. 

“Yknow I don’t mind you sleeping over but please remember to call okay?” She said as she walked over to him. 

“Okay mom” He said, reluctantly leaving the eye roll out of his response. Where else would he have been? His moms knew full well Jeremy was his only friend. As she moved closer she noticed Michaels neck and stiffened slightly. 

“Jeremy could you go help Michelle in the kitchen?” She asked, her voice mock sweet. Jeremy took note of this but decided it was just best to comply.

“Of course, Mrs. Mell” he stammered out as he practically bolted to the kitchen. Michael had been confused for a moment when it finally hit him. His neck was littered with hickeys. How did he forget that? He really walked right through the front door without so much as a scarf or his hoodie pulled up.

“Care to tell me what’s that about?” She asked in a tone that made Michael want to disappear right then and there.

not really.

“Mom look, you guys know Jeremy and I are dating okay? Michael started. He wasn’t really sure how to get out of this situation.

“Yeah I get that but seriously Michael? Look at you” she scolded as she handed her phone to him. Michael opened the camera app and soon felt himself blush when he saw the extent of Jeremy’s work. His mother was about to say something when her wife called for her from the kitchen.

“Liza could you help me with this?” She asked coming to their sons rescue. Michael felt his body relax as his mom narrowed her eyes but made her way to the kitchen. Michael grabbed his bag and and made a beeline for the front door. Jeremy, perhaps on cue was right behind him clutching some wrapped pop tarts close to his chest.

“m’sorry Mikey” Jeremy said as he tried to control his smirk. He couldn’t help but smile over how flustered Michael had gotten. Jeremy and Michaels other mother had heard the whole conversation from the kitchen so she gave him the snacks and told him to run. Jeremy really was thankful for that woman, she saved their asses countless times.

“No you’re not” Michael huffed as he reached a hand out expectantly. Jeremy just continued to smile as he handed Michael one of the packs.

“Yknow if it’s any consolation” Jeremy started. Michael knew what he said next would be anything but.

“They do look really great on you” Jeremy stated simply. Michael snorted. How was that supposed to help?

“You’re only saying that ‘cause you’re a horndog”

“Your horndog” Jeremy corrected. Michael couldn’t help but smile at the remark. He really loved knowing that Jeremy was his. The only thing better than that was everyone else knowing it. He decided he didn’t really mind the hickeys so much after all. 

“I wasn’t kidding though, they look really fucking good Mike”

“Oh?” How so?” Michael challenged. He knew exactly how he felt but he needed Jeremy’s confirmation. Jeremy stopped walking so he could face Michael properly.

“They let everyone know you’re mine” He stated simply. He then leaned in for a kiss which Michael instantly reciprocated.

“So a possessive horndog huh?” Michael teased.

“How can I not be? I have the hottest boy from Middleborough all to myself” Jeremy stated in between his next few kisses. Michael felt like he would explode from happiness right then and there. He was glad Jeremy reciprocated his feelings towards the hickeys because it made him feel less awkward about it. 

Before they knew it, they were at the front of the school. Michael hugged annoyedly because he realized he wouldn’t see Jeremy until third period.

“I’ll miss you too ya dork” Jeremy said with a grin as they walked up the stairs. Michael just smiled as he hugged Jeremy and headed off to class.

Jeremy entered his Spanish class and was again greeted by Rich.

“Hey dude! Long time no see huh?” Rich said as he held his hand out for a hand shake. Jeremy never really knew how to do it but he just followed Rich’s movements. 

“Yeah.. How was your break?” Jeremy asked as he got his binder out and began to copy notes.

“It was totally awesome bro! spent the whole time with Jake!” Rich said with a goofy grin. Jeremy wiggled his eyebrows suggestively which caused Rich to blush slightly.

“You guys had a lot of fun didn’t you?” Jeremy asked with a grin.

“You know it, Heere” Rich said with a wink. It was Jeremy’s turn to blush at Rich’s boldness. His eyes traveled down to his notes when he realized he still had the pack of pop tarts. He made the rule a while ago that he would never eat in class. He just didn’t have the confidence. It didn’t help that he could practically hear his other classmates judging him. He knew if he still had them at lunch, Michael would be suspicious so he decided he would offer them to Rich.

“Hey do you want these?” He asked as normally as he could. He couldn’t remember a day without at least offering Rich something he couldn’t eat himself. The shorter boy never seemed to catch on though.

“Thanks bro!” Rich said happily as he took the food from Jeremy. The latter just smiled sheepishly as he tried to ignore the guilt in his stomach. He couldn’t help but feel as though he was betraying Michael. He tried not to think about it as he focused on his notes.

Lunch had finally rolled around and so all of their friends had decided to show up. They all sat at the table as each of them noticed Michaels neck. Jeremy could tell his boyfriend was surely dying of embarrassment so he just reached over to hold his hand reassuringly. Michael smiled as he braces himself for everyone’s reactions.

“Chloe owes me twenty dollars!” Brooke yelled happily. Chloe just face palmed as she looked accusingly at the pair.

“Really couldn’t hold out one more week?” She asked as she reached for her purse. Michael and Jeremy both held the same expression.

“They had a bet to see which one of you was the top” Jenna explained with a giggle she tried to stifle.

“How’d you know that?” Brooke and Chloe asked in unison. Jenna just laughed as she looked over to them.

“Cause I know everything” Jenna stated as though it was a fact. This earned her an eye roll from Chloe which caused Brooke to lightly punched her girlfriends arm.

“Babe don’t be angry just ‘cause you lost” She said in a mocksweet tone. Chloe just huffed as she handed Brooke the money. 

“Why w-were you guys even betting on that?” Jeremy stammered.

“Why not?” Jake cut in with a goofy smile. Rich high fived him as Jeremy groaned. 

“They’ll let up eventually” Christine stated.

“Will they really?” Michael asked.

“Nah but you guys’ll get used to it” She said happily. Jenna snorted as she high fived Christine. Jeremy and Michael really had to wonder why they were still friends with all of them. 

“You doing okay?” Michael asked Jeremy who was now shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He didn’t notice the topic change of the group in all of his nervousness. Michael just moved closer to him so he could try and help his boyfriend through what he was feeling.

“If it makes you feel any better they aren’t on it anymore” Michael whispered. Jeremy couldn’t help but feel like an idiot. If anyone should be this flustered it was Michael, and here he was being stupid. 

“I’m all good Mikey” Jeremy said after a few minutes. Michael smiled as he hugged Jeremy. This got them a few “awwws” from around the table but nothing more. Soon lunch was over so everyone said their goodbyes and went to their respective classes.

“Can we hang after school?” Michael asked as they approached Jeremy’s next class.

“Oh maybe tomorrow? I have an appointment with my therapist.” Jeremy lied. He really needed to get through the whole without eating. He needed to prove that he could be perfect.

“Okay Jere, I’ll see ya then” Michael said as he kissed Jeremy quickly. Jeremy smiled into the kiss and hugged Michael quickly as they went their separate ways.

Jeremy’s classes dragged on but eventually he heard the last bell of the day finally ring. He quickly gathered his books in his bag and and made his way down the stairs. He felt a little light headed but he told himself that he just needed to drink some water. He walked to the fountain and drank before heading home.

Text from player one:

hope your appointment goes well! <3

Jeremy almost felt like he could be sick. He hated lying to Michael this much. He hated only being able to focus on his weight. He hated that he was so pathetic that he couldn’t even be a good boyfriend. He reluctantly made his way into his house and up the stairs to his room. He sat down on his bed and began to cry. Why was he such a fuck up? Why couldn’t he do anything right? Jeremy couldn’t help but wish Michael was by his side but he went and messed that up too.

He decided he would try and draw to take his mind off of things. He took his sketchbook of of the shelf and opened it. He flipped through the pages aimlessly until he decided on what he wanted to draw. He spent the next few hours working on something for Michael so maybe he wouldn’t hate him for being such a mess.


	8. Chapter 8

Jeremy woke up with a groan as he reached blindly for his phone. He yawned tiredly as he got out of bed and walked to his closet. He looked at the scale and immediately found himself grabbing his binder and his clothes as he practically ran to the bathroom. He already felt guilty enough, and he knew checking without Michael would just make him feel worse. He tried to forget these thoughts as he stepped into the tub. 

Everything was fine for a few minutes until he was washing over his body. He was immediately reminded of his chest and felt himself grow more uncomfortable by the second. He tried his best to ignore the nagging thoughts as he cleaned himself and quickly got out. 

‘Disgusting. Fat. Freak. Not a real man. Idiot.’ All these thoughts were screaming and buzzing around in his mind and he felt himself start to feel lightheaded. He gripped onto the sink and as he pulled himself out of the shower. He waited for a few minutes and then slowly let go as he moved to dry himself off and put on his binder and clothes. 

He slowly made his way out of the bathroom and back to his room to get his bag and sketchbook. He reluctantly walked to the living room, as he prepared himself for the conversation his dad would indefinitely strike up.

“Good morning, Jere!” He greets as he sips his coffee. 

“Good morning, dad.” Jeremy smiles but doesn’t match his dads cheerful tone.

“There’s breakfast in the kitchen but I gotta be at work early today so I’ll see ya..” he says as he gets up and puts his cup in the sink. 

“Thanks” He says simply as he watches his dad walk out the front door.

Jeremy debates on eating breakfast or not. He knew what his goals were but he couldn’t bring himself to give up the feeling. He slowly made his way to the kitchen and sat down at the table. Upon seeing all the food, his stomach twisted in guilt as well as hunger. He ignored it though, reaching for an apple instead. 

Michael pulls up outside of Jeremy’s house and parks. He walks out and let’s himself into the house. “Jere?” He calls.

“In the kitchen, Mike!” He tries to keep his voice casual. Michael walks into the kitchen and smiles at him. “Hey babe” he greets, pulling him into a hug. Jeremy hugs back. “You hungry? My dad kinda went overboard” he says with a smile, hoping it was convincing enough.

“He made all this food and you’re eating an apple?” Michael questions.

“I uh, just wasn’t that hungry.” He answers.

“Jeremy..” Michael starts, giving him a sympathetic look that makes his stomach churn.

“Babe, I’m seriously just not hungry, alright?” He lies.

Michaels bites his lip and decides to drop it for now. “So how’d your session go yesterday?” He asks, changing the subject.

“My what?” He asks a bit confused. Michael raises his eyebrows. 

“What did you say?” He asks again, ready to play it off as though he didn’t hear him.

“Your therapy session” Michael repeats, looking at him skeptically.

“Oh it was good I guess.” He answers. Michael gives him an unimpressed look. 

“I’m s-sorry I guess I’m just all over the place right now.” Jeremy apologizes, he finishes the apple and reaches for another one.

“Is your dads cooking really that bad?” Michael jokes as he watches him.

“I’m just not that hungry..” he repeats as he takes the apple. Michael looks at him.

“You’re not hungry.” He says slowly. Jeremy gets a confused look before he realizes why Michael was acting so weird. He wants to put it back but the emptiness of his stomach makes him bite into it. 

Michael watches, starting to get an idea of what’s going on. “Jere..” he starts.

“Yeah, Mikey?” He asks.

“The truth, please?” Michael all but begs as he moves closer to him.

“I-I..” Jeremy starts, still trying to think of a way out of the situation.

“Please..” Michael says softly.

“I lied yesterday, I didn’t have a session I just wanted to stay home..” he admits, hoping it’ll excuse his other behavior.

“Babe, you could’ve just told me that, I would’ve understood.” Michael reassures, taking one of Jeremy’s hands and holding it.

“I just didn’t want you to be upset.” Jeremy sort of says the truth, feeling guilty about what he’s leaving out.

“Baby, I’d never be upset over that okay?” He squeezes Jeremy’s hand a bit.

“Okay..” Jeremy says quietly. He finishes the apple before he can stop himself and then instantly regrets it.

“Mikey, I-I..” he debates on telling him or not. The guilt and shame of eating almost becoming too much for him.

“Y-you can tell me anything, babe” Michael assures again.

“T-this is the first thing I’ve eaten since two days ago-“ he admits and then quickly covers his mouth.

Michaels mouth falls open as he processes Jeremy’s words. He pulls him into a hug. 

“Shh it’s okay, babe.. you’re trying and that’s enough for me..” he offers. 

Jeremy shakes a bit as he tries not to cry. “I’m just so sorry! I c-can’t stop!” He apologizes. 

Michael runs a hand through his hair as he tries to calm him down. “I’ve got you.. we’re gonna get through this together.” He whispers. 

Eventually, Jeremy calms down. “I just- I want to get better, I really do but I don’t know if I can.” He says honestly. 

“I know you can, Jere.. you’re so strong, you’ve been through so much I know you’ve got this.” He says as he pulls away and takes his hands. 

Jeremy searches his eyes as he squeezes his hands. “Are you sure..?” He asks

“There isn’t a doubt in my mind.” Michael responds immediately, rubbing over Jeremy’s hands with his thumbs.

Jeremy smiles a bit. “Thanks for being here, babe..” he says softly.

Michael smiles as well. “I’m always gonna be here for you, baby.” He promises as he kisses Jeremy’s forehead.

Jeremy let’s his hands go, smiling wider at the gesture. “I-I think I want to try..” he says as he gestures towards the food his dad had prepared. 

Michael turns and starts unpacking the food, placing a portion he’d normally eat on a plate and setting it in front of Jeremy. He knew now that however little he gave him, he’d still find an excuse not to finish. When he’s done he sets his own plate, he’s not really hungry but doesn’t want Jeremy to feel alone. 

Jeremy looks down at the food and then back at Michael. He hesitantly reaches for a fork and starts cutting the pancake. He doesn’t stop until it’s divided into way smaller pieces than really necessary. Michael watches him a bit worriedly.

Slowly but surely, Jeremy raises the fork to his lips and starts chewing. The piece required no more than maybe three bites but he kept going, seemingly counting in his head.

Michael tries his hardest not to watch him but he does when he realizes what he’s doing. 

Jeremy repeats his process a few times, before feeling like he’s eaten enough. Michael had cleared half his plate when Jeremy only really took a few bites. 

“Jere.. please, just a bit more?” Michael all but begs, not wanting to push him. Jeremy looks down at the plate as he thinks. His stomach and mind were currently at war, trying to decide if he deserved anythings else. Michaels words made him want to try again.

“Okay..” is all he says as he reaches for his fork again. After a while he manages to eat a little over half of what Michael gave him. 

“I think I’m done now..” he says as he tries to ignore the guilt he automatically starts to feel. Michael just nods and takes their plates to the sink, spilling Jeremy’s out into the bin.

By the time the whole ordeal is over, the two of time are late by two class periods. Michael tries to decide what’s best. 

“Are you still up for school?” He asks. Jeremy thinks about it as he stands up. 

“Not really, you could go if you want to though..” He answers, not wanting to keep Michael if he’s busy. Michael thinks for only a moment.

“We don’t need to, let’s just stay here, yeah?” He says as he finally makes up his mind. 

“You sure, babe?” Jeremy asks as he takes his hand, walking out of the kitchen. 

“Of course baby..” He assures as they walk to the stairs. Jeremy smiles as they walk up to his room. He opens the door, letting Michael walk through it first. 

Michael gets on the bed, laying down as he holds his arms open for Jeremy. “C’mere baby..” is all he says.

Jeremy turns away from him. He takes off his shirt and binder, putting on an oversized one before he gets on the bed as well. He immediately starts hugging himself closer to Michael as he tries to ignore all the thoughts he’s having. Michael shifts a bit, letting Jeremy rest his head on his chest as he runs his hand through his hair.

“You’re gonna be okay, I’ve got you..” he whispers

Jeremy closes his eyes, obviously a bit exhausted. They fall asleep for a few hours, neither one realizing how much they actually needed this.

Eventually, Mr Heere comes home and walks to the kitchen. When he sees the food is gone, he smiles slightly hoping Jeremy ate at least some of it. 

Michael stirs a bit as he finally wakes up. He untangles himself from Jeremy and gets up, walking out of the room and shutting the door quietly. 

“Mr Heere?” He calls a bit sleepily. 

“Michael?” He calls back from downstairs. Michael makes his way down to him. 

“What are you guys doing here?” He asks, noting that school wouldn’t be out for at least another hour. Michael looks down.

“Well you see..” he starts, rocking in his feet a bit nervously.

Mr Heere waits expectantly for the answer. 

“I came over this morning.. he admitted that he hadn’t eaten in two days..” he pauses as he thinks about it.

Mr Heere sighs and looks down worriedly.

“We talked and he managed to eat a bit but was too exhausted for school so we ended up staying home.” He finishes, hoping Jeremy’s dad wasn’t too upset.

“You did the right thing, son.. I just- could you try and call me next time?” Mr Heere finally says.

“Yeah of course, sorry sir.” Michael responds. 

Jeremy wakes up, a bit upset that Michael had left him. He makes his way down the stairs. “Dad..?” He asks tiredly.

“Yeah I’m home now, son.. everything alright?” Mr Heere asks softly.

Jeremy just nods.

Mr Heere clears his throat. “I’ll get started on dinner, okay?” He directs the question at both of them.

“Alright, Mr Heere.” Michael responds.

“Okay dad..” Jeremy finally answers. 

Mr Heere goes to the kitchen without another word.

The day drags on, for Jeremy. He tries not eat too much but eventually gives in to his hunger. When he’s finished dinner he thinks about purging but doesn’t. 

They lay together again in his bed, Michael holding him close. Jeremy feels a bit guilty but just tries to sleep, knowing if he doesn’t that the urge would just grow. They eventually fall asleep in each others arms.


End file.
